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If You Think the Coffee Sucks, Wait Until You Meet the Owner Any feedback or questions? Send them to zyhperini@yahoo.com Seo Changbin: Yang Jeongin: Seo Changbin: Jeongin considered the message. Then he considered the closed door into the studio. An hour ago, Han Jisung had turned to him and said, “Please don’t take this personally, but if you keep breathing next to me, I will have an emotional meltdown.” Until that moment, Jeongin had been allowed to hang out in the studio whenever and however long he wished, as long as he was quiet during recordings and out-of-sight during livestream. If anything, Jisung was more likely to invite him in than ask him to leave, so it was a bit of a novel experience. Because his emotions were extra hair-trigger lately, Jeongin couldn't pretend it didn't hurt a little, especially when Jisung not only let him leave, but closed the door behind him. In two days, Jisung would be releasing three new songs to his online fan base. The first song was going to be posted in a music video that Jisung and Chan had made together, their first attempt at something more complicated than Jisung singing against the studio backdrop. It was a simple video, featuring scenes of Jisung going out for a walk, getting ice cream, and sitting by the river, all of which fit the song's quiet reflection on how it felt to go outside after you'd been stuck indoors for weeks on end. The day after that release, Han Jisung was going to hold a performance livestream, where he planed to start with the first newly released song, go through several of his existing songs and covers, take breaks in-between to interact with the chat, perform the two remaining new songs at the end as a surprise, and then wrap up with any encore requests. It wouldn't be the first time Jisung had done a performance livestream, but it would be the first time with all new songs. To say he was stressed about it was an understatement. He'd entered what Bang Chan called his "final prep" state, which apparently meant obsessive rehearsals, re-checking the music video for any flaws, posting photos and updates across his various social media accounts to garner hype, coordinating with his livestream moderators, and testing that all the equipment connected with the software for the twelfth time. And that was just for the premier; he also had his usual scheduled streams and writing to work on. He was spared any coffee shop shifts for the duration because of Bang Chan playing favoritism with the schedule, but that was his only leeway. So Jeongin knew it wasn't a genuine statement on Jisung's feelings toward him. Jisung was just stressed beyond words and sometimes, when you were stressed beyond words, people being alive in your vicinity felt like a personal attack. Jeongin got it. He'd been there himself. He was also a little bit responsible for the stress, or at least, today's batch of it. Jisung had meant to get started on rehearsals a few hours earlier, but Jeongin talked him into taking a taking a nap together instead. Which is to say, he expressed mild disappointment that Jisung wasn't able to join him for a nap and Jisung all but carried him to the bed and pinned him in place. So really, that part wasn't Jeongin's fault at all. His fault came later, when he woke up with Jisung's sleeping face next to his and he realized how easy it was to lean over and kiss Jisung's cheeks and forehead and eyelids until he woke up; how easy it was to slide their noses together until their lips brushed and he could press into the damp warmth of Jisung's mouth. Han Jisung was shy when it came to intimacy. Startlingly shy, given his love of skinship and fondness for sticking his tongue in Bang Chan's ear where Jeongin had to witness it. Jisung was so freely salacious with his alpha that Jeongin expected to be jumped as soon as Jisung had the all clear. He had not expected to be the one taking the lead in this relationship. Not that he was complaining. There was something about easing Jisung back against the bed and cradling his oddly fragile jaw between thumb and forefinger and kissing him until he arched into the contact. Something about how Jisung wouldn't have let him go this far even a day ago, and how that made Jeongin feel more mature and experienced and sexy than he really was. He almost got why Bang Chan liked going the slow seduction route if this was how it felt. A flicker of the boldness that Chan got to enjoy reared it’s head and Jisung slipped his hands up under Jeongin’s shirt. His nails ran light and teasing up and down Jeongin’s sides, sending shivers cascading in their wake. In reward, Jeongin tilted Jisung’s head up and ran first his thumb and then his tongue over the scent gland under his jawline. Jisung let out a hiccuping little cry and began to babble, senseless half-phrases of encouragement and praise. Jeongin’s whole body woke up in anticipation, the tension gathering low in his belly. It was intoxicating how big and broad he felt hovering over Jisung like that. He wasn’t really that much larger than Jisung, who made up in shoulder and chest what he lacked in comparative height, but the way he just lay there and let Jeongin move him around made him seem almost petite. Jeongin followed the road map of Jisung’s tendons to where they tucked under his clavicle and mouthed at the marks Bang Chan had left on his shoulder only a few hours before. “Oh, oh, oh,” Jisung panted. His free hand came up to tangle in Jeongin’s hair. His other hand traveled around to Jeongin’s front, tender along the curve of his belly, and up to his chest. Jeongin involuntarily tensed. “Careful,” he muttered into warm skin. Jisung’s hand paused. “You okay?” “My chest is sore, that’s all,” Jeongin said. As if to make a point about the weird things his body had been doing lately, his lower back twinged at him, protesting his current position. Grumbling at the inconvenience, Jeongin settled onto his side instead of holding himself up on his elbows. Thankfully, Jisung turned with him and pushed in close instead of taking the chance to escape and put distance between them. He reached out a leg and used it to hook around one of Jeongin’s legs and drag it in between his thighs. “Hi,” Jisung said, red-faced and smiling. He squeezed his thighs. Jeongin raised an eyebrow and pushed his leg higher. His thigh slid upward without resistance until it pressed against Jisung’s erection. Jisung’s lashes lowered and lips fluttered around an exhale, his neck curving back to show the swell of his Adam’s apple. Heat bloomed all the way down to Jeongin’s toes. The other omega was so pretty like this, deceptive softness contrasting the hard, masculine lines of his body. Jisung rocked his hips forward and stroked his hand down from Jeongin’s back to his ass. And then down further, fingers curling into the space created by his lifted thigh. “Is it okay like this?” Jisung whispered, rubbing back and forth through the barrier of Jeongin's joggers. “Can you get there?” It was Jeongin’s turn to arch and swallow, his scent going honey sweet with the slick wetness that pooled under the pressure of Jisung's touch. “Let’s find out.” He could and they both did. They lay panting together in the aftermath, sweaty and sticky inside the clothes they never removed. Jeongin felt like he'd won something, but also a bit like a teenager again. His mind went back to that one classmate with the droopy eyes who'd tugged him behind the community center after their youth ministry meeting. The boy claimed he had a fool-proof way of removing the smell, then proceeded to upend a bottle of vinegar on them both. The fumes nearly killed Jeongin, but to the boy's credit, the vinegar did its job and his birth pack hadn’t suspected he'd been off dry humping cute betas. “What are you laughing at?” Jisung asked, words husky and lazy. Jeongin shook his head. “Memories. My first time. Sort of.” Depending on how one ranked sexual experiences in relation to virginity. Jisung kissed his sweaty temple. “Tell me about it while we clean up.” Jeongin did, which turned into a round of mutual reminiscing, where Jisung admitted that aside from some kissing and heavy petting, he'd only ever been with Bang Chan. Which clarified the shyness as far as Jeongin was concerned. Between that, washing up, eating snacks, and more snuggling, Jisung started his rehearsals a good two hours later than he'd meant to. That left Jeongin where he was now; cooling his heels in the main room while the muffled sound of Jisung’s singing and occasional yells seeped from the studio. He’d occupied himself a good while by flipping through some of his textbooks and reviewing his old notes, reminding himself of the work he’d done before everything fell apart. It was hard not to feel like all that time was a giant waste. Despite Jisung and Chan’s reassurances, there was no guarantee that he’d be able to go back to university any time soon. By the time the baby would be old enough to leave with other people, he’d returning to classes with kids fresh and eager from high school, while he was an old man in his mid-twenties. He’d stick out like a sore thumb. Why not remain a stay-at-home father and spare himself the embarrassment? He was still moping about the concept when Seo Changbin messaged him. Jeongin had yet to meet the beta face-to-face. He knew the man was obsessed with working out, music, and cheesy puns; that he was thoughtful and kind-hearted to strangers and friends alike, and that Han Jisung had some kind of beef with him. Jeongin honest to god didn't know if the beef was because Changbin was too clingy or not clingy enough, and the five-minute rant about Changbin’s nagging demands for weekly hang-outs followed by a lament at his refusal to spend time with them in the comfort of their home had not cleared things up for Jeongin. In short, of all of his new packmates' friends, Jeongin was the most curious about Seo Changbin. He looked at the books spread around the table and his ancient laptop and back to the closed door. Well, it wasn’t like he had anything better to do right now. He put his thumbs to his phone keyboard. Yang Jeongin: Seo Changbin: That seemed redundant, but Jeongin didn’t dwell on it. He messaged the pack chat and got up to dress properly. While he’d showered and changed out of the boxers and joggers from earlier, he hadn't put on anything fresh or appropriate for going out. He’d stripped off the top and was giving himself a once with the wet wipes for courtesies sake when Jisung’s singing cut off. He changed into a fresh shirt and was contemplating his trouser options when the door to the studio swung open. Han Jisung flew out with his cell phone held face-up before him like a beacon. “You’re going out with Changbin-hyung?” he demanded. “Hey,” came an unfamiliar voice through the phone’s speakers, “Don’t make it sound like a bad thing." “I’m just asking a question!” Jisung yelled into the phone microphone. Jeongin flinched. Why. “… in a mean way,” came the voice again, audibly pouting this time. “Aish,” Jisung exclaimed, rolling his head along with his eyes. “I’ll call you back, hyung.” “Just text me.” “Yeah, yeah.” Jisung ended the call. “Was that Changbin-hyung?” Jeongin asked. He decided on a pair of wide-legged cargo trousers in heavy canvas and pulled them out of the plastic bins they'd gotten for storing his clothes. The plan had been to re-organize the closet to fit his bins in there, but as that didn’t seem to be happening any time soon, they were stacked up next to the TV stand. “Yeah, that was him. Innie, are you sure about this? You haven’t met him yet.” Unexpected irritation flared in Jeongin’s gut. “I’ve been texting him for days,” he said, the accent he’d been trying to train himself out of coming in strong, “If he’s some big scary guy I shouldn’t be alone with, what’d you let him have my number for?” Jisung jolted in surprise. “What? No, no, that’s not what I meant! Fuck, I’m saying this all wrong.” He dragged his hands up over his face and through his hair. “Changbin-hyung is a good guy, okay? I’d trust him with my life. He’s like…” Jisung voice went quiet and he rubbed at the back of his neck. “When hyung is around, you have the feeling that everything is going to be okay. He’s that sort of person. He has your back.” Oh? Jeongin looked at Jisung’s bowed head and the tips of his ears flushing bright red through the shield of his hair. Oh, that was interesting. Maybe it wasn’t a grudge that had Jisung so worked up about this guy. “I was just worried about you being uncomfortable with a new person in general,” Jisung went on, spreading out his hands in an all-encompassing gesture, “And yeah, Changbin-hyung is a big marshmallow, but he can get bossy and he seems intimidating at first. I just want you to know that Channie and me can be a buffer.” That alleviated some of Jeongin’s irritation. He shoved his legs into the trousers and chewed on the remainder, trying to dig out how much was hormones and how much was something more serious. “I know I’m shy,” Jeongin said at last, "And I’ve been more sensitive lately, but I’ve met plenty of new people on my own. I can handle it. I don’t need my hand held for every little thing. Actually, it makes me uncomfortable.” Jisung grimaced. “Shit, of course it does. I’m sorry.” “The doctor did say you guys were going to feel extra protective," Jeongin said, "But if this hyung is as good as you say, there’s nothing to fear here. We can all just —” He pushed the air down in front of him in a ‘bring it down’ gesture. “Right, yeah, you’re right. We can --" Jisung mimicked his gesture. Jeongin repeated it himself and they did that for a few repeats until Jisung forcefully blew out a breath. “Okay. I'll try to be less overbearing. Can I get a hug?” Jeongin’s waistband was still open around his thighs, but he opened his arms. Jisung took the chance to aggressively scent him, rubbing his jaw and inner wrists over every part of Jeongin he could reach. “Enough, enough," Jeongin laughingly protested, dodging Jisung's efforts to stick a tongue in his ear. That was not how he wanted to experience that particular maneuver. "Let me get ready!” Once they parted, Jeongin pulled his trousers the rest of the way up and tried to button them. The ends refused to meet. He sucked in his belly, but it bulged out the instant he tried to pull the ends of the waistband together. “I think you’ve gotten too big for that pair, Innie,” Jisung said. He was watching with a soft, wondering smile that said he found this situation way more endearing than Jeongin did. “You should probably stick to sweatpants.” Jeongin tipped his head back with a groan. Most of his decent looking sweatpants were uncomfortably snug around the waist, too, but at least those could be worn under his belly. He’d just have to wear an extra long hoodie to compensate. He was glad his prefered style was baggy. Jeongin messaged Changbin to confirm that the shopping trip was a ‘go’, replied to Bang Chan’s “have fun” with a heart and smiley face, and finished getting ready. Jisung followed him around the apartment for a while, chattering about this and that. When Jisung lingered too long around the bathroom door while he was putting on makeup, Jeongin stopped everything to give him a look. Jisung got the message and, with both hands raised in defeat, went back into his studio. Seo Changbin arrived a full ten minutes later than he said he would. Jeongin wasn’t entirely sure what he expected when he opened the door, but it wasn’t a short, broad-chested man in track pants and a brown bomber jacket, with diamond stud earrings and the strap of his messenger bag announcing “Prada” in bold red letters. His scent was the familiar beta woodiness mixed with a clean, soapy smell that spoke of good health and good grooming. “Hey,” Changbin said, hands in his pockets and shoulders rolled back, “You ready?” Wow, what a cool attitude. Without meaning to, Jeongin felt himself getting flustered. Mouth stretching in a bashful smile, he ducked his head and said, “I just need to get my bag.” Seo Changbin freed one hand to wave him on, somehow managing to up his coolness factor by several more points. Jeongin hesitated. Should he invite him inside? It felt weird to leave him out in the hall, especially when he was Jisung and Chan’s close friend, but — well. According to Han Jisung's lengthy rant, Seo Changbin didn't like hanging out at their apartment because it smelled like sex. Which it did, but not offensively so. Just the normal amount for a mated pack with limited space and resources. Sheets, pillows, curtains, and floor rugs could all be washed until they dissolved, but with things like mattresses or sofas, it was a lot harder to remove certain scents, so there was a higher chance of them developing a telling aroma. Jeongin knew this from extensive personal experience, and frankly, it wasn't worth the time and effort just to hide your intimate activities. That said, it wasn't ideal to have the room where guests were received and the room where the pack was intimate be the same room. Jeongin knew it was unlikely they'd ever afford the set-up his birth pack had -- which included a sitting room for guests, a family room for hanging out and playing, a den for communal sleeping and pack nesting, and four private bedrooms; one for the adults, two for the kids, and the technically-a-guest-room his uncle had been squatting in for ten years -- but they had to get a place big enough for a dedicated privacy room. He did not want to deal with heats, ruts, and (eventually) surges in a tiny little place with a growing baby around. He had friends whose parents had to rent a hotel for every mating cycle and it sounded like a nightmare. In any case, Jeongin could understand some initial surprise or discomfort if you grew up in a pack that was more private, but this flat refusal to spend time in the apartment at all seemed really prissy of Changbin. Again, it’s not like they were dirty about it. “I’ll be just a second,” Jeongin said finally and left the door propped open as a sort of middle ground. He snagged his crossbody bag from the table and was wedging his phone inside when a sudden bellow made him jump out of his skin. “Yoh, Hannie! Han Jisung!” shouted Changbin. His voice was shockingly loud and it carried in a way that was both impressive and terrible. “Oh my god.” Jeongin put a hand to his chest. He’d almost died. A muffled “What,” came from the studio. “We’ll be back later!” Changbin yelled. “Okay, hyung! I trust you!” Changbin's expression softened into an open-mouthed smile. His nose scrunched up, his shoulders lifted to his ears, and he even kicked at the door jam a little. The attitude shift was gone almost as soon as it came and Changbin responded to Jeongin’s scrutiny with a frown. "Have everything?” Jeongin checked through his things one more time. Phone, wallet, powerbank, toothbrush kit, travel pack of wipes, face mask. Good and good. “Yeah, I’m set. Let’s go.” They made it downstairs to Changbin’s unremarkable black sedan in silence. So much silence that Jeongin almost regretted his determination to do this on his own. All their conversations over text should've made this less awkward, but without the usual rounds of introduction and get-to-know-you questions to get them started, Jeongin didn't know where to begin. At the car, Changbin held the passenger door for him to enter and then jogged over to the driver side. The interior was clean and well-maintained, but smelled like Changbin had been driving it for a while. “Did you have a specific place you’d like to go?” Changbin said as he slid into the seat. Jeongin felt a rush of relief that he didn’t have to be the first to speak. “I was looking at recommendations for pregnancy clothes, but I wasn’t sure if you had any brands you preferred.” “Uh,” Jeongin said, “Not really. I haven’t thought much about it.” Changbin pursed his mouth and pulled out his phone. “Hmm, okay, I have suggestions.” He had Jeongin click through the websites of five stores with distinctly different styles. All boasted about natural fibers and durable construction and fashion forward details. "These look really high end," Jeongin said after a bit. The comment was more a test than an observation. Changbin had been the one to say the shopping trip was his "treat" and he was apparently "rich as balls" (to quote Bang Chan), but Jeongin didn't want to overstep. Besides, as much as the thought of missing out on a nice name brand outfit or two hurt his soul, it'd be a lot more practical to rely on the discount racks in the shopping mall. "There’s no need to go overboard with something I can only wear for a few months." Changbin let out an explosive sigh, getting his whole body into it. "That's the worst way to think of it," he exclaimed, "This is the time when you need to be taken care of the most. You should only be given the best things. The best food, the best medical care, and the best clothes, nothing that's poorly made or full of harmful chemicals. It's bad for your health and it’s bad for the baby’s health.” He flicked the phone and forth, banishing the very idea. "No, no, don’t waste time worrying about whether you can use it later, only think about what you need right now. I’m taking care of everything today and I don’t —” He pointed his phone at Jeongin. “— want to hear about how I shouldn’t or how it’s too much. Got it?” Giddiness spread in Jeongin’s chest. He hadn’t been gifted a no-holds barred shopping trip once in his life. He couldn’t keep down his smile. “All right, hyung. If you’re going to make me spend your money, I won’t say no.” Every last bit of Changbin's severe attitude was blasted away in a positively gleeful grin. “Really?” he asked, voice going up by several octaves, “I like it, I like it! Yang Jeongin, we’re going to get along great.” He held out the phone again, screen first. “Now tell me where you want to go.” Jeongin picked the two places that offered the most comfortable looking, masculine styles and they headed off. His enthusiasm seemed to have been the icebreaker they needed, because Changbin took charge of the conversation and kept it going effortlessly. He was an attentive listener who asked meaningful questions about everything Jeongin said and then dispensed sage advice. Of which he had a lot, and of which he spoke confidently even when it was kind of questionable. Jeongin got why Jisung found him bossy. After the second bullshit statement delivered with absolute assurance, Jeongin gave Changbin a sidelong look and asked, in his driest tone, "Is that how it is?" Seo Changbin burst into giggles, but caught himself quickly. "Of course," he said seriously, as if he hadn't been cackling like a cartoon character a second earlier. The beta was stealthy about it, but under that cool visage, he was a mischievous little gremlin. Once Jeongin realized that, another chunk of his awkwardness dropped away. He was familiar with this type of personality. He'd grown up around it, after all. The first store they visited was a small boutique in a row of other specialty shops. The options included hoodies, overalls, chinos with elastic panels in the sides, crew-neck shirts, and button-downs with gathering under the bust line. There was also a tiny section of baby items. Of the two places he'd picked, this one had the more "natural" aesthetic; lots of whites, creams, and browns, with touches of green and pink for accents. The collective effect was kind of bland, but he was sure he could find a few worthwhile pieces. Two steps inside the door, a shop clerk manifested from between the racks to assist them. Jeongin let himself be guided around while the clerk explained the clothing designs and what they were meant for. These features would help the piece grow with you, those provided belly support for later, this and that one could be worn postpartum and were designed to make nursing easier. It was a lot of information. In the dressing room with his armload of clothes, Jeongin was faced with a poster of a trendily dressed omega man sporting a massive belly and had to stand with his head in the corner for a minute. He wanted this baby so badly. He wanted them enough to deal with all the judgment and rejection and loss of friends, but did his body have to change so much in the process? Couldn’t he just stay at this cute bump stage for the next six or so months? “Jeongin-ah?” Changbin called from the waiting area, “Do you need help with anything?” “I’ve got it, hyung.” Jeongin dabbed carefully at his eyes and pulled out a couple of wipes to clean off his scent glands. It wouldn’t remove all evidence of his feelings, but it would minimize how far the scent could spread. Changbin gave him an accessing look when he came out to show off the first outfit, but only commented on the clothes. Jeongin discovered that Changbin had strong opinions about what was fashionable and what looked good on Jeongin and Jeongin only agreed with half of those opinions. By the end of an extensive debate, he'd had settled on a pair of overalls, a trio of solid color shirts, a set of underpants, and a diaper bag he definitely didn’t need yet but wanted because it was pretty. “Look, look." Changbin summoned him to the corner with the baby supplies while the clerk took his selections to the counter. “They have a piggy!” He grabbed a pink mass off one shelf and sent another toy, a white stuffed rabbit, tumbling to the ground. Jeongin gasped dramatically. “Hyung!” “Sorry!” Changbin cried out and picked up the rabbit, “I’m sorry little bunny! Were you trying to follow your friend? Oppa was wrong to separate you two.” “Oh, it’s a girl rabbit.” “Yes, you can always tell because the ears are extra long.” Changbin held up the toy. The ears were the length of the body and lined in satiny pink material. “It’s scientific.” "Hmmm, I see. What about her dynamic?” Changbin sniffed the bunny. “Unpresented,” he said, “She’s still very young." He squished the two stuffies together, cheek to cheek. The pig had a fat snout and triangle ears that folded over at the ends. Both toys were made of patterned cotton fabric rather than plush; white flowers against pastel pink for the pig and cream hearts against white for the bunny. Changbin turned them around to show Jeongin. “Aren't they a good pair? Look, I’m a bunny too.” He pulled down his face mask, sucked in his lower lip, and flexed his upper lip to make it look like a twitching rabbit nose. Jeongin tried, and failed, to suppress his giggles. “You’re a very cute bunny, hyung.” “Aigo! Jeonginnie is such a flatterer!" Changbin was playing it up, but Jeongin saw a glimpse of it again; that same school-kid shyness he'd shown when Jisung said he trusted him. "Come on, let’s bring them with us.” He gave Jeongin a heart-stoppingly sweet smile. “Cute things deserve a good home.” Seriously, how was this the same dark-looking guy who'd picked him up at the apartment? They went to the front counter to pay for their purchases, and left with the stuffed animals secured against Changbin’s chest by the strap of his Prada bag. “If the rabbit is a little girl, what’s the pig?” Jeongin asked. Changbin pursed his mouth and waved his hand in rejection. “It’s just a pig. Animal gender is made-up.” Jeongin stopped in his tracks. “You —” “What?” Changbin demanded, doing a poor job at repressing his grin, “It’s true! How could an animal tell us what their gender is? We humans just guess at it for our own convenience. Yah!" He dodged the kick Jeongin aimed at him, the bags on his arm rustling. "I've had enough, I'm walking home by myself." "No, Jeonginnie, don't go! Hyung is sorry!" Jeongin was so caught up in bantering back and forth with Changbin that he didn't realize where they were headed until Changbin turned a corner and the massive building of the Lotte Department Store loomed up beside them. The department store was a twenty-something minute train ride from Jeongin's former university and full of places to eat and things to look at, making it a perfect weekend outing for his classmates and friends group. Unease swamped him. How likely was it that one of his friends were here? What day was it? Was it the weekend? The downside of having nothing to do while Chan and Jisung had wildly erratic schedules was that the days and hours blurred together with nothing to differentiate them. He didn't even have mass to mark his weekends any more. Jeongin fished out his phone. Seven pm on a Wednesday. Safely middle of the week. Anyone free from classes would have homework or a job. Maybe a date, but they’d go to a bar or restaurant closer to the school, right? That was a long train ride when you were a uni student with a loaded schedule. He wouldn't have gone out on a week day evening “You okay?” Changbin asked. Jeongin lifted his head. They’d entered a parking structure while he wasn’t paying attention and were cruising down the aisles. “I’m fine,” he said as if his real feelings weren't stinking up the car, “I didn’t realize the other shop was in this mall.” Changbin cast a sideways glance at him and maneuvered into an open spot. “It’s on the walking street.” Of course. The fashion district. It was a block or two over from the department store and lined with fancy shops and restaurants, close enough that you could explore both places in the same trip if you were ambitious. His group of friends weren’t that classy anyway, so aside from the first time they showed the area off to the Busan newbie, they’d all stuck to the duty-free or the underground shopping center, where things were generally cheaper. Okay. That was okay. There was no reason for anyone he knew to be hanging out on the walking street on a Wednesday evening. Jeongin exhaled. Changbin put the car in park and turned to him. "Answer me for real now. Is something wrong? I know we're still getting to know each other and I understand if you don't want to tell me anything that's too private, but I may be able to help." Jeongin bit his lower lip. "There are people I'm trying to avoid," he admitted and outlined the situation with the baby's sires and his concern over running into a mutual acquaintance. Changbin listened intently, his expression giving no hint whether he'd heard any of this before, though Chan and Jisung had to have told him something. At the end, Changbin let out a long 'aah' and thumped back into his seat. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, thinking. "I'm an outside observer on all this," Changbin said slowly, "So there's a lot I can't understand or that I don't have all the information on. But I can't help but think, if I had a lover or friend who vanished suddenly, I'd go out of my mind with worry. If they were in trouble, I'd much rather be in trouble alongside them than have them out there facing it alone. Wait, wait," he added in reaction to Jeongin shaking his head, "I promise I'm not trying to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. What I'm wondering is -- do you want to keep the sires uninvolved because you want to protect them or because you're afraid they'll reject you?" Jeongin had been opening his mouth, his entire speech on why he wasn't going to inflict this situation on them on the tip of his tongue, when Changbin's question broadsided him. They'd already rejected him. Kim Seungmin hadn't cried or pleaded or made promises when Jeongin told him he was leaving unless they went public with their relationship. The alpha had stood there with his eyes closed, like it hurt him, but only said, 'I told you the conditions at the beginning and the risks haven't changed. If you can no longer accept this arrangement, I'll respect your decision to go.' He'd let Jeongin leave without a fight and didn't have the decency to get mad at him for being a petty bitch about it later. And maybe Jeongin was right to be hurt about that, and maybe he was wrong, because he'd seen the burn scars on Seungmin's arms and he knew the alpha wasn't paranoid without reason. But it was hard, so very hard, to take those fears seriously when he felt lonely and cut-off, when his baby-step suggestions of telling a few trusted friends or Seungmin's older sister were brushed off. When it'd been years since the fire, years since they'd found any evidence of the person responsible, and even Seungmin admitted that man may never be found. Meanwhile, Hwang Hyunjin had promised him continued, unchanged friendship only to turn into a strange, awkward mess who was, as far as Jeongin knew, still lined up to mate other people. People he'd never introduced Jeongin to, for the record, so whatever hidden feelings had made Hyunjin act so weird weren't positive enough for him to try and get his alpha interested in Jeongin. And of course, there was Hyunjin's new job as a pre-school teacher and how badly the parents would respond to their children's teacher studding outside of a pack. How Jeongin carried the full blame for that, was the one who made the first move, was the one so sure the three weeks since Seungmin last knotted him made it safe to spread his legs for a beta. Jeongin swallowed and scrubbed his eyes with his sleeves, forgetting about his makeup. "It's both, hyung," he said, voice going thick, "Getting involved would seriously make their lives worse. I've already caused them so many problems. But I'm afraid -- I'm afraid they wouldn't want to anyway. And I don't want to hear it. I don't -- I don't want to hear --" I can’t be seen supporting your actions. "-- that I'm not worth the trouble." Tears flooded out. His scent flared, dense and suffocating in Changbin's nice car. Embarrassing. He tried to hold in the sobs and couldn't, tried to draw his legs up to huddle into a ball and couldn't, the pressure on his stomach too uncomfortable, the baby's presence in his life too big to be ignored and growing by the day. A broad, warm hand settled on the back of his bowed neck, squeezing gently. "It's been hard on you, hasn't it Jeonginnie?" A sob heaved out of him. He nodded mutely. "You're going through a lot. Hyung is so sorry. He wishes it could be easier for you." Changbin pulled the stuffed pig and bunny from under his seat-belt and handed them over. Jeongin wrapped his arms around them, glad to have something to hold to. Changbin rested his up-turned wrist by Jeongin's thigh, exposing the gland there, and his scent cut through the cloud of stress pheromones the way only a beta's could, like a cooling breeze from a deep wood. "Cry as long as you need to," he said, "I won't go anywhere, okay? Hyung knows that Jeonginnie is worth all the trouble in the world." |